A Hunger For Human Flesh

Call me what you will, but as it turns out, I like zombie boobs: World Zombie Day in NYC

It's All About The Bulk

I can't say I'm a huge purchaser of things in bulk although I do like the idea. Sam's Club, BJ's, all those places are fun to walk around and buy stuff but I don't exactly need giant quantities of anything nor do I really have the storage space so I just don't bother.

I do however get things in quantity sometimes. Soap, cereal, beer, rice ... things I use a lot. One example of bulk genius is a box of powdered Tide laundry detergent I bought. It was huge. I bought it back when I first moved to Brooklyn in July of 2007. I went down to the crappy Key Food supermarket down the street to buy a few things and saw this box of Tide for what seemed to be an overly economical price (I wish I could remember what it was) so I grabbed it. This box was so big people stopped me on my way home to ask where I had bought it. Anywho, this box from Brooklyn lasted the summer so it moved out here to Ohio with me and then lasted some more. Until? Today. I just ran out of it today. Ridiculous. That's 16 months of laundry doin' all in one box!
Me and my Tide
I know you are probably thinking that maybe I never clean my clothes, but it's not true. I wash clothes and towels and sheets, I swear. I even have some in the machine right now.

So the end of an era is through. Sad. I couldn't find another freakbox so I'm back to standard issue liquid Tide. We'll see how long this thing lasts.

In other bulk news, check out this bulk I put in my gut last night: Fatty Melt

Another Chunk of Not Blogging

Oh, blog ... how long it's been. I'm just not so good at this anymore. Am I busy? Not really. Lacking in things to say? Never. Lazy? Not really even that. I just haven't felt like sitting down and typing. Oddly, every time I do sit down and type I enjoy it, yet I don't seem to remember that's the case for more than 30 seconds afterwards though. So anyway, it's been awhile.

What's been happening?

Well I have been working a lot. I guess not necessarily more than usual, but work has been more of a shitshow than usual. I'm starting to hate it some. Busy, new routine, confusion ... it all leads to exhaustion and irritation. Neither of which are my friend.

I also had a little time off from the place of employment. A few weeks back I went to my parent's summer place in New York State. It was my annual venture there. Usually I gather up a posse of some sort but this year the turnout was a bit sparse due to shitty planning on my part and shitty weather on Mother Nature's part. It was still fun though. Hanging out, drinking, grilling, making fires, sleeping, etc.

The following week, I went out to Seattle for a friend's wedding. It was pretty damn good. Rainy, but good. I really like that town and the people who live there. A good overall vibe I think. I always say that yet never pack up my shit and move there. Dumb. One thing worth mentioning is these guys: Skillet Street Food. They were the peeps hired to do the food at the wedding and holy shit was it good. Tasty burgers w/fries, salmon over risotto, killer pulled pork, clam chowder ... my mouth waters just thinking about it. Honestly. It was great. Best wedding food I have ever had. I also saw some cool shit at the Seattle Aquarium and in the Underground Tour. It also should be noted that one day I went out to a happy hour, drank a bunch and proceeded to stay long enough that I was still there (and participated in) happy hour number two at the same bar. I didn't feel very awesome the next day, this much is for certain.

Since my return to The Cleve, I went on a bit of a concert binge. I saw three shows in nine days. Maybe that's not really a binge, but it was certainly ample. I saw Everlast, Rise Against and (hold on to your fucking head) Hanson. Yes, that Hanson. Oh, boy I have gotten a little odd in my old age.

Everlast was OK, but nothing great. Definitely a good entertainer. I just wasn't into his set.

Rise Against was good. More screaming/punkish than on their albums but that's certainly not a complaint as I like me some screaming. My only issue with that show was that it was overpriced as hell. I blame Live Nation, not Rise Against.

And Hanson. Honestly, Hanson was (were?) pretty impressive. If you could eliminate all of the screaming females it would be much more easily accepted by me and probably many others. But that screaming isn't going to go away. That's just part of the package I'm afraid. But despite that screaming they put on a good show, sound good and obviously have talent.

Not to be all abrupt or anything but I'm wrapping this up. I'm off to bed. Another fun-filled day of bullshit awaits tomorrow I'm sure. Perhaps I'll make this blog happen yet. Don't hold your breath, but keep the occasional eye out.

FAIRly Tasty (and totally unhealthy)

Last night, after work I went to the fair. It was the usual county fair fun -- animals, rednecks, mud, tractors, smells, rednecks, demolition derby action, rides, games, food, etc.

Let's talk about the food and my overindulging. My intake between the hours of 7pm and 11pm (in chronological order): French fries, BBQ elk sandwich, sausage w/peppers & onions, Dr Pepper, half a fried Oreo, elephant ear, lemonade.

I'm gross.

I dig this guy's shirt. Honestly.

At first I was thinking, "Not the crap I've been eating" but even crappy fair food comes from farmers. Potatoes, elk, onions, peppers, wheat, lemons, etc. Farmers!

Drag Style

Yesterday, despite the near ninety degree heat I hit up for some rides, rides and more rides at Cedar Point. I love me some roller coasters. A couple pissed off my stomach a bit, all of them made my head spin and I think it's safe to say that I probably came close to a hear attack a couple of times. Without a doubt, my favorite is Top Thrill Dragster, which I like to call Rocket Coaster. It's so fucking fast. 120MPH in 3.8ish seconds. I don't even know how to describe the fastness. It literally sucks the breath out of you and plasters you back against your seat. I pretty much find myself waiting to explode or implode or vaporize or something and then just as quickly as it started, it's over. And you're alive.

Awesome.

As you wait in line you see people at the end of the ride and more often than not they look at each other as the adrenaline fades, with a look of disbelief on their face. The disbelief that they are still alive I think. Then quickly they usually laugh of scream or high-five or whatever because they've fooled the grim reaper and are also slightly embarrassed at the idea that they briefly thought they were going to be dead.

Anyway, if you like going really fast and/or having the shit scared out of you hit yourself up some Rocket Coaster. I already want more.

Mmmmmm, Olympians

Let's talk about the Olympics for a moment. Not so much the Olympics in general as the hotness that can be involved.

Everyone is always oooohing and ahhhhing about Amanda Beard. Really? Why? She has a great swimmer's body, but so do most swimmers. Natalie Coughlin, for example. Beard's face is weird and she tries too hard. Makeup while swimming? Not that I would kick her out of bed, but come on. The hottest athlete? Get over it.

Anyway, I just had to get that out. Now, I'm sure I'm missing plenty of others who could make this list, but in passing (and that means not scouring the web or team rosters) the ladies I've seen this Olympics who I dig -- in no particular order, and for no legitimate reason:

Leryn Franco (Paraguay - track & field) - Jesus Christmas!

Hope Solo (USA - soccer) - She's a goalie. Hot and nuts. I like it.

Stephanie Rice (Australia - swimming) - You can't go wrong with Australian ladies. At least as far as I know. Again, I'm missing the big deal with Amanda Beard.

Jennie Finch (USA - softball) - I hate to be all hop on the bandwagon, but honestly, she is beautiful. And pitches like nobody's business too.

Allyson Felix - (USA - track & field) - Speedy and cute.

Natalie Coughlin - (USA - swimming) - see above rant about Beard.

Lolo Jones (USA - track & field) - She hit a hurdle and lost out on a gold, but medal or no, you can't beat that abs and smile combo.

These Germans (Germany - field hockey, kayak, sailing) - Winners!! Medals? I don't know. Maybe. I'm not sure I care.

Honorable mention is this gal who's not an Olympic athlete at all, but certainly makes the Olympics more enjoyable for all.

Phew. And that's the end of my being a pervert for the next few minutes.

Street View Sleeper

I don't know if this is true (who can ever tell with the Brits/Aussies?) but either way I love it: Mapped

Ageless Horns

Between beer, castles, Octoberfest, hot females and this photo I'm starting to think I belong in Germany: "... you can live the dream ..."

You never get old in Germany. Or at least you don't let getting old get in the way of rockin' out.

State of the Blah

My posting is really, really not happening. Some of it is being busy or tired or lazy, but I think a big part of it is in the back of my mind I am thinking "Who the fuck cares about your boring shit? You're in Cleveland with little drama or excitement or even odd interactions with strangers."

But today I was thinking about it, and honestly my NYC shit wasn't that interesting either. And I didn't give a fuck. I'd write about it anyway. Idiots, news, observations, etc. Just fucking type it up.

So, perhaps I'll just throw down my boring shit and see how this goes* for me and this lame blog.



*Purely theoretical. No promises that I'll actually do any of this.

Motley Love

Please add "with money" to the end of this headline:

MÖTLEY CRÜE Guitarist's 24-Year-Old Girlfriend: 'I Am Totally In Love'

Mick Mars

Maybe it really is love. Maybe I'm just a skeptical prick, but it just sounds a bit suspicious to me.

Here She Is

I know I mentioned awhile back that I would include some photos of the new ride. Here you go (finally):





Slightly cooler than walking or riding my bike I guess.

Endorsed By Aquaman

Like most people I'm totally down with preventing babies and STDs. And I think it's safe to say that I'd like an excuse to make my penis the center of attention. I suppose I'd even be down with buying something that makes my penis look a bit more "artsy" but I'm really not sure how I feel about making it look like a dolphin: Intellx Dolphin
Dolphin(TM) Condom from Intellx

Other wacky shapes also available!

A Whole Lotta 4th

As always, it's been awhile.

Let's see, what have I been doing since last post? Well, it was the 4th of July. I worked during the day and then caught fireworks at night. My first fireworks viewing the The Cleve. Not bad. Certainly it was no New York, but really fireworks on any level do me good.

Saturday I went on a tour of one of the bridges here in Cleveland. Sounds boring or corny, but it was actually pretty cool. The bridge has a rather unknown second level that supported trolleys back in the day. Now that level is just a rarely opened museum. I want the trolleys back!

After that it was a quick stop at the market so I could have some of my peeps over for some grilling and whatnot. We played some cornhole, ate some burgers, dogs, brats, chips, etc. I got pretty drunk. But not as drunk as possible, so I then ventured on to another party where I reclaimed my beer pong crown from a couple of co-workers. That felt good. What did not was the awful hangover I had the next day. It seems that 12+ hours of drinking doesn't equate into a productive next day.

Unproductive really doesn't even describe it correctly. I was useless. I felt awful. I didn't get out of bed until close to noon and then when I did get up I went to the beach and just laid around sweating and fighting of vomit.

Good times.

You're treading on me ... And you're not supposed to

Happy 4th.

Keep the treading to a minimum or I will totally go America all over your asses.

Pimp My Bus Ride

Towards the tail end of my shift I got an e-mail from co-worker and former blogger Toole who had already left work (sooo fancy with his Blackberry):

There is a bus outside of work that says "metalocalypse". I think it is here to pick you up.

That's a commute that I could learn to love with the quickness.

Rock Out With Your Wang Out

Yesterday CBSSports.com had this going on on the front page (click on image for larger): "Wang out until September" ... well, if you insist. I just hope I don't get sunburn. Wangs out everybody!

Oh, juvenile humor, where would I be without you?

Some Stuff

So I should be in bed or at least getting ready for bed, but I'm not. I have a chronic issue with appropriate sleep patterns unless I am around someone who entices me to get in bed. And even then it's difficult to get there without at least some odd contempt and sense that I'm missing something ... even though I know that's not the case.

Anyway, I'm up and listening to some rather high strung music so I figured I should type something.

My trip to Columbus was a success. I made it there and back alive (despite my driver rockin' some triple digit MPHs on the speedometer) and while in the C-Bus I managed to win two medals in the regatta I was in. One gold in the 8 I was in and a silver in the 4. It was a fairly sloppy performance overall (especially in the 8) but certainly a good starting point for my Midwest rowing career. I also had some pretty good bonding moments with some of my rowing posse so that's also promising. Friends are always good.

Since then I have been doing the usual. Work, sleep, eats and a little driving in the new car. My shifting has gotten better and hence I'm liking it a bit better. I even got myself an official Ohio license. So, no more New York State. I'm officially Ohio. Jesus.

And just to keep you in the loop, I'm off on a little vacation this Thursday to St. Kitts. I'll be gone for a week. If I actually blogged on occasion this would make a difference but honestly if I didn't make this announcement would you have even known I was missing? Hells no. But take note ... I'll be missing. And getting tan (probably burnt), drinking too much and probably making or breaking my present relationship. Yes, I'm going to with a lady friend who earned this trip through work and invited me as her guest. I'm sure it will be fun, but we're definitely on two different wave lengths as far as what vacation is all about and how to approach it. But it's her thing so I'm going along with whatever. I just hope I don't go too bonkers with the other co-workers and the resort-y stylings. I like basic accommodations, experiencing the locals, exploring and not dealing with anybody on the beach, etc. This is not going to be like that. But vacation is vacation. Especially free vacation with someone who is excited and fun and deserving some time away and most importantly (and shockingly) wanting to be with me. I think it will be fun, but I'm still a little nervous about the whole thing.

And now I'm off to bed. Morning is technically here already, and I need some sleep or I'm going to be in a heap of doo doo. I'll post again before I leave. Maybe.

C-Town to C-Bus

Tonight after work I am heading to Columbus, OH. My first trip to anywhere more than 30 minutes outside of Cleveland. Exciting! Stay tuned for some sort of follow-up. Maybe.

It's Fun To Punch Guys Named Coco

This really should get some sort of "photo of the year" award or something like that.
Tampa Bay Rays pitcher James Shields, right, takes a swing at Boston Red Sox's Coco Crisp after Crisp was hit by a pitch and charged the mound in the second inning of a baseball game, Thursday, June 5, 2008, in Boston. (AP Photo/Michael Dwyer)
From: http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/slideshow/photo//080605/483/0b6192aaf2f641ea8be0cd20ee0879ca/

WRX-n-Effect*

So after work today I am picking up a car. My car. The significance of that italicized "My"? Well I haven't had a car to call my own since I got rid of my 1992 Geo Prism back in 1996. The only cars I have driven sine then have been random rentals (I'd say two or three a year) and my parents' when visiting. But now I'm an owner of a new car. New to me anyway. It's a 2003 Subaru Impreza WRX. It's an obnoxious yellow so it will be like driving a school bus. But smaller. And with turbo.

I'll post some photos at some point (if I don't wrap myself around a telephone pole first).

*Yes, that is a reference to Rump Shaker. What of it?

Saturday Check-In

Again with the posting slackeritis. I'm horrible at this. Whatever I guess. Not much to report. Life isn't all that exciting these days.

I guess there were a few activities of note in the last week or so to mention. Those would be an outing to see Local H at Roc Bar, me running a 10K (this is me), a wedding and a Ribfest.

Local H is getting older (like me) but still bring the rock pretty damn hard. You can't beat the amount of noise they generate, especially being just two guys. It's impressive. I bought their newest album at the show and the guy selling the merchandise was none other than Scott, the singer. His music straight to my ears and my money straight into his pocket. No middlemen necessary!

The 10K was pretty OK. I mean, running isn't really that fun, but as far as running a 10K goes I guess it went well. It was lightly raining but other than that no complaints. I finished right around my goal, beat one of my co-workers and I didn't even feel too shitty the days following.

The wedding was a co-worker's in Pennsylvania. Sort of last second style, definitely D list, but food and drink and people making asses of themselves on the dance floor is always OK no matter what list you're on. I have to say the wedding scene is a little strange for me as mine didn't really work out so well. This whole separation has made me more cynical than ever. And that sort of makes me nuts inside.

The Ribfest is an annual thing in The Cleve. And I know why. Those ribs are tasty as hell. It's not the cheapest way to stuff your face on a sunny Sunday, but sometimes spending money is worth it. Especially when ribs and rubs and sauces spend some time in the smoker and/or over coals. Delicious.

That's all for now. I'm going to go browse some cars in a used car lot up the road to see if they've got anything for me or if it will least strike up some inspiration for something motorized.

Here's A Kick In The Nuts To Go Along With Your Inevitable Delay

$15 for a checked bag? Are you kidding me?: American To Charge For 1st Checked Bag

See Dees

Since a question was asked in the comments of my last post and since I like to be "interactive" here at Stinktown I guess I should answer. The CDs I ordered from the wacky CD Baby are:

CD #1: Jimmie's Chicken Shack - Fail On Cue

CD #2: Suicide City - Not My Year

Also, it should be mentioned that I acquired two others this past week that were not ordered from CD Baby:

CD #3: mc chris - mc chris is dead (purchased direct from mcchris.com)

CD#4: Vietnam Werewolf - Ohio's City (purchased at a live show)

Yeah, it's all over the place, but it should at least keep my ears busy for awhile.

Shipping The Way It Was Meant To Be

I ordered a couple of CDs online yesterday. The confirmation e-mail that my CDs had been shipped was way better than what most companies send:

Your CDs have been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.

A team of 50 employees inspected your CDs and polished them to make sure they were in the best possible condition before mailing.

Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over the crowd as he put your CDs into the finest gold-lined box that money can buy.

We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of Portland waved "Bon Voyage!" to your package, on its way to you, in our private CD Baby jet on this day, Monday, May 19th.

I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby. We sure did. Your picture is on our wall as "Customer of the Year." We're all exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Sigh...

--
Derek Sivers, president, CD Baby
the little store with the best new independent music
http://cdbaby.com cdbaby@cdbaby.com (503)595-3000

Get Those Legs Working

Tomorrow is Bike-To-Work Day so get your fat ass out of your car habit and plop that ass on a bike seat and pedal. It's fun. And it's good for you. And you won't be bitching about gas being $4 a gallon.

More info here.

Seriously, do it.

License To Boast

Saw this plate on a car outside of a Mexican restaurant I went to the other day:

Surprisingly there wasn't one sexy person eating, let alone two of them.

Sunday Brunch. Now With Feathers!

Here's a gross story for you.

I wound up working this past Sunday. Not my usual, but I'm a nice guy and I agreed to fill in for someone. Anyway, I ride my bike in and pull up to our quiet building. I roll up to the bike rack and look over to see a seagull looking at me. You know how they are. Always giving the evil eye. Head tilted, beak at the ready ... it makes me nervous.

I go about the business of locking up my bike and look up to see the seagull has something in it's mouth. I can't figure it out at first but then I see. It's a dead bird. There's this one in the seagull's mouth and two more on the ground. Apparently a bunch of little birds from the neighborhood had a run-into-the-building-windows party. It surprisingly resulted in a bunch of broken necks. Idiots. Anyway, this seagull had a sparrow in its mouth. Then the seagull tilts its head back and swallows the thing down. Pretty much one big gulp and it was gone. It may as well have been a piece of bread or a crab or a french fry. But it was a bird. A small bird, but a bird nonetheless. Pretty much cannibalism. Nasty!

The seagull gives me another stare and hops to another dead bird, scoops him up and gulps him down. At this point I decided enough was enough and I walked over that way and the seagull flew off with his two bird lunch. I'm sure it came back for the last bird but at least I didn't have to see it.

Upon looking through photos on Google, I see that it could have been worse. Still, something about that gulping those little birds down whole is creepy to me.

It's All About Form

Speaking of rowing ... I hate rowing machines aka ergs. Always have. BUT if I could be on one next to this I might feel more tolerant and motivated.

photo from CrossFit

Sunday Boozy Sunday

Last night I went to a party with my fellow rowers at the house of one of the coaches. It was actually pretty cool. Good food, decent music, air hockey, pool and of course much of the drinky drink. I got pretty banged up. Then I walked home via the train tracks. It's really quite perfect. Plenty of places to pee, no drunk drivers or drunk walkers, and plenty of rocks to throw and/or trip over. Plus who doesn't like the thrill of possibly having a train rocket by you at 2am.

I woke up early because these same rowers were having a workout session in the park by my apartment at 9:15am. Always the early morning shit with this sport. So annoying. Anyway, I walk over and there is only one person from my boat there. She's curled up in a ball on the grass, all pale as hell and praying for death. First class hangover. Four others showed up too, all feeling rather crappy. We worked out, but it was pretty half-assed. We then went to breakfast. This seemed to go better than the exercise part.

We're going to be a dream team for sure.

Track Baby

I love this photo:

Watch out, Big Brown! Baby on the track!!

You'd think it was some wacky news parody site or something, but no. It's from 1010WINS. This photo that was whipped up to go along with this story: http://www.1010wins.com/ABANDONED-FOR-THE-DERBY/2122386 and quite honestly I think it's the best use of a Photoshopped baby I have ever seen.

Another Week Gone By

Again with the lack of consistent updates. I know, I know.

Anyway, this past week was pretty fun. Monday I went to see my boys from my old stomping ground, the New York Yankees play my new stomping ground's Cleveland Indians. Tickets were a birthday present making it even better. Despite it was pretty chilly out and there was some sloppy playing by both sides, the Yankees pulled out a win which was pretty sweet. Making all this even sweeter was the fact that some random guy comes up to me at the bar before the game and asked if I wanted to upgrade my ticket. I, of course, am suspicious of anything that seems too good to be true. I told the guy that the tickets I had were pretty good (not a lie) but he said, "Look, these are right behind homeplate. Here, take 'em." So I did. And he wasn't lying. Five rows back, right behind the plate. Pretty sick. I bought the guy a beer, but other than that it really was a totally free upgrade. WTF? That kind of thing never happens to me. So, thanks for the tickets mystery guy. It was appreciated.

The day after the game I went to see spaz rockers (did I just make up a new genre?), Mindless Self Indulgence at The Agora. Pretty cool venue. Sold out too, so it was full to the brim with the odd mix of punks, goths, rockers and ravers that MSI seems to attract. A good time was had by all. I even picked myself up a poster that I plan on getting framed (someday).

Last night I went to a dos de mayo party at a co-workers apartment. Also pretty fun. Drinks, snacks, drinking games, music, stories about whitewater rafting and high school football douchebags, etc.

Tonight I have another cinco de mayoish party with my newly established rowing peeps. I'm bringing some mac and cheese and people better fucking like it because it's the shit.

At Least Someone Is Using Their Brain

Mike Bloomberg is slightly nuts, but I really like his long-term thinking (a thing that most people just don't seem to have). Fuck that patching up problems and then have them come back to haunt us all worse than ever a few years down the road. Fix shit now, bitches.

Granted having assloads of money makes his style of thought a bit easier than for the average Joe, but maybe we need to start solving problems ourselves instead of depending on the douches running for President (who you know aren't going to get jackshit done). Kudos, Mike.

From 1010WINS:

Bloomberg praised Sen. Barack Obama for opposing the plan floated by Republican John McCain and supported by Democrat Hillary Rodham Clinton to suspend the 18.4 cent federal gas tax and 24.2 cent diesel tax during the peak driving months of the summer.

"It's about the dumbest thing I've heard in an awful long time, from an economic point of view," Bloomberg told reporters at City Hall. "We're trying to discourage people from driving and we're trying to end our energy dependence ... and we're trying to have more money to build infrastructure."

Full story here: http://www.1010wins.com/Bloomberg--Gas-Tax-Holiday-an--Idiotic--Idea/2108707

Saving Mankind One Uncola At A Time

7UP was the reason I wound up moving to NYC way back in 1996. I was one of a handful of fools selected to do a summer internship through their web site. Oddly the internships were entertainment related and really had nothing to do with 7UP, but it involved a paycheck, a place to live and even 5 meals a week. It lasted for 7 weeks (get it?). I accepted, and quite honestly it was a huge turning point in my life. I have no idea how different my life would have been if not for that little spot, his tasty, clear beverage and that internship. Anywho, those 7 weeks are a story for another time I guess. All I was getting at is I have a special place in my heart for 7UP to begin with and now they are saving us from the threat of alien ingestion. Sprite has never given me an internship or saved me from aliens. 7UP does both!

7UP Aims to Save Earthlings From Alien Invaders*
Offers to send a mass shipment of naturally delicious 7UP to potential space alien landing sites outside Phoenix and Orlando to prevent -- or at least make more pleasant -- the widespread eating of humans
PLANO, Texas, April 25 /PRNewswire/ -- 7UP took note of the appearance of unidentified flying objects (UFOs) over Phoenix, Arizona and Orlando, Florida earlier this week, and has taken immediate steps to counteract the potential threat of alien invasion.

"We read Drudge Report like everyone else," said Matt Smith, director of brand marketing for 7UP. "And when we saw the reports that UFOs had been spotted in the skies over two major American cities, we knew what people were thinking: they're here to eat us."

Although the intentions of the aliens have yet to be established, 7UP is not prepared to take any chances with the lives of billions of humans who inhabit the planet Earth.

"Any aliens with the technology to cross the vast gulf of space and enter Earth's atmosphere unchallenged are clearly far more advanced than we are, so any attempt to fight them would be futile," said Smith. "The best thing to do is to appease these creatures with a large supply of refreshing 7UP. I, for one, welcome our new alien overlords and, quite frankly, the worst case is that they'll have something naturally delicious to wash us down with."

7UP will be delivering a shipment of the soft drink to potential landing sites around Phoenix and Orlando. Any 7UP beverages unclaimed by the alien invaders will be free for any lucky uneaten humans to take for themselves.

For more information about 7UP's plans to save mankind from the alien menace, please visit http://www.7up.com.

*Or, at the very least, give the aliens a naturally delicious chaser after they have consumed the human race.

About Cadbury Schweppes Americas Beverages
7UP is a leading brand in the beverage portfolio of Plano, Texas-based Cadbury Schweppes Americas Beverages (CSAB), a subsidiary division of Cadbury Schweppes plc (NYSE: CSG). CSAB is one of the largest producers of soft drinks and premium beverages in the Americas. CSAB's brand portfolio includes Dr Pepper, 7 UP, Snapple, Mott's, RC Cola, A&W Root Beer, Sunkist Soda, Canada Dry, Hawaiian Punch, Schweppes, Diet Rite, Clamato, Mr & Mrs T Mixers, Holland House Mixers, Rose's, Mistic, Yoo-hoo, Orangina, IBC, Stewart's, Nantucket Nectars, and other well-known consumer brands. For additional information on Cadbury Schweppes and its products, visit http://www.brandspeoplelove.com.

SOURCE Cadbury Schweppes Americas Beverages

Marketing wit in press release form made even better by the Matt Smith quotes. "... they're here to eat us." Classic.

Playing Catch Up aka Recaping The Week

I can see this blogging isn't quite flowing like it used to. Well, I warned you.

So let's see ... what's been going on?

Friday was pretty non-eventful. Some Chinese food, some TV and early bed.

Saturday was a full day. I got up in the morning and jumped on my bike and carted my ass down to the mighty Cuyahoga where I did an introductory class for the rowing league that I signed up for. 7:30am to 2:30pm. It's a lot of introductory action going on. Anyway, the class was mostly people who have never rowed before. I have already been trained and beaten by the sport back in my college years so I know what I'm doing although am out of practice and about 25 or 30 pounds heavier than I was back then. Obviously there is always more to learn (especially when it comes to me) but around people who have never had their ass in a shell or touched an oar, I look pretty awesome. So the day went well. Some introductions to the club, some safety stuff, a tour of the boathouse, some overviews of rowing, some time on the ergs and then some time on the water. At the end of it all, one of the coxswains and one of the more experienced rowers that was helping out with the day asked if I'd like to be in a more competitive boat rather than flailing around with novices. I reluctantly said "yes." I figure if I'm going to do this I should get more than a tour of the riverbanks, right? Hopefully I won't regret this move. There is already talk of workouts and training and sweating. Part of me thinks this sounds good but the other part of me thinks this is exactly what I happily said goodbye to back in May of 1995. It's that love/hate routine that I have with rowing ... with all things really. Anyway, it should make for some entertainment and/or torture so I'm giving it a go.

Oh, and my shoulder wasn't actually bothered much by the rowing. Odd. My shoulder still hurts from my little fall, but only seems to bother me when I sleep on it or pick up things with my arm at an odd angle. Rowing, biking, running and most other things are OK. I'm thinking that is a good sign. Maybe I'll heal without having to go to some wacky Cleveland witch doctor.

Saturday night was out for a birthday celebration. For me. Sunday I turned the big 3-5. Ouch. Anyway, a whole bunch of my co-workers went to a bar and did what we always do at bars. Drink. There was some pool and darts too, but mostly everybody stuck with what they do best which is drinking. Nothing too crazy, but it was fun. Much better than last year, that's for sure. Now I'm old enough to run for President so get your petitions ready and I'll get practicing my handshaking and my laying down bullshit 24/7.

This week has been pretty average, but I did go see a jazz show at Brothers Lounge on Wednesday and out for some eats, drinks and Cavs watching tonight.

Nothing major planned for the weekend at this point, but Monday I'm going to see my Yankees play the Tribe and Tuesday it's Mindless Self Indulgence (I've got an extra ticket to MSI if you want to go).

That's all for now. I'll try to update a little more frequently, but no promises.

I Like That Wagon You're Draggin'

National Butt Month!

I ran across this bit of awesomeness during my online travels yesterday. Why I am only finding out that it's National Butt Month now, with only 7 days left in the month is beyond me, but I guess it's better late than never.

Anywho, you can send in photos of your butt or perhaps your special friend's butt and you can win some loot. Note, that you can win with an appealing butt as is the case with every contest, however it seems you can win votes for having an an "interesting" butt too so if you don't think your butt is gold medal material, you don't have to consider yourself out of the running.

Oh, and if you don't want to put yourself in the running for the loot and/or you don't make the cutoff for submissions (April 30), you can always e-mail photos of your butt to me. I don't mind.
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Tired of the Primaries? Make Your Vote Count in Contest for 'America's Favorite Butt'
Entries to Stockroom.com's National Butt Month Competition are Posted on SandM.com

LOS ANGELES, April 22 /PRNewswire/ -- If you like the idea of voting, but the endless political primary season has become too much for you, the folks at Stockroom. com now offer you the opportunity to vote for America's Favorite Butts.

(Logo: http://www.newscom.com/cgi-bin/prnh/20080422/NYTU111LOGO )

When http://www.stockroom.com designated April as National Butt Month recently, the site invited people to send in photos of first class rear ends. The response has exceeded expectations, with submissions pouring in from the owners of prize male and female butts.

Stockroom.com has now posted a screened selection of the butts on its http://www.sandm.com website and invited visitors to vote on their favorites.

"We are very impressed by the enthusiasm and the quality of the responses," says Ann-Marie Holman, spokesperson for Stockroom.com. "Since this is an election year and people are in the voting mood, we're giving people the chance to select the winners. Some of us here already have our favorites, but we want to honor the democratic process so we are opening the voting to everyone."

New photos of appealing and "interesting" butts are still being received daily, Ms. Holman says, and submissions will be accepted through April 30th at fanniefocus@gmail.com. Winners will be announced on Thursday, May 8th. First prize winners for male and female will each receive $100 gift certificates, second prize winners will get $50 certificates and third prizes get certificates valued at $25 each.

About Stockroom.com: Online since 1989, Stockroom.com is the internet's original and leading source of high quality toys, fetish gear and fashion for sexually adventurous adults. The website features over 3,000 adult products.

SOURCE Stockroom.com

Here's Your Letters and Your Baby

This story can lead to the presentation of two awards for the price of one: Best Postal Worker / Worst Mother

No Work Today

I have today off from work. That's fun. It's my first legitimate day off since moving to Cleveland. I was out a couple of days about a month ago, but I was sick so that doesn't really count.

Anyway, today I got to sleep a little late, am doing some laundry and have a run planned. All leisurely and work free. Tonight I will be going to see my first baseball game of the year. The Tigers are in town to see if they can stop sucking long enough to beat the Indians. I can't really predict the outcome of the game itself, but I can predict that I will have at least one hot dog and two beers. At least. Take that to the bank.

In other news, I can barely move my right arm. I'm really trying to not be a pansy about this, but it's pretty banged up. Why? Well because I took a tumble off my skateboard. Yes, I'm riding around on a skateboard at age 34. And no, I'm not very good, so it's not like I'm all Tony Hawk or something. Anyway, I was cruising along and took a turn to get into a friend's driveway and there's a bit of a lip. I thought I could roll over it with the right amount of speed and the proper weight distribution. No luck. I hit the lip, the board stopped and I went down. Hands hit pavement a bit, but the bulk of my weight went on my right shoulder. I rolled with the fall, but apparently not quick enough. The shoulder and arm look fine. No bruising or scrapes, but it does not feel fine at all. I can't lift anything. Even putting on my shirt and pants this morning was a chore. I can't pick up this keyboard I am typing on even. As a matter of fact, it hurts to type unless my forearm is leaning on something. My shoulder can't support the weight of my own arm. I'm no doctor, but this doesn't seem good. We'll see how the rest of the day/early tomorrow goes. If no improvement, I may have to suck it up and hit the doctor.

The best part is that I have signed up for a summer rowing league and I'm supposed to be rowing on Saturday morning. That's probably not going to go so well unless Mr. Miayagi comes over and does that hand rubbing, fixit thing to me.

Waking Up A Loser

Last night I went to a party. Really the first time I have gotten good and drunk since arriving in Cleveland. Well I guess that's not entirely true, but it was one of a few times. I've been pretty light on the boozing. Shocker, I know.

It's always a telltale sign of boozin' a bit heavy when I wake up naked (alone, don't get excited) and unsure of the return home. Then it all comes back. Slowly. Now that I have been awake for a little bit and reviewed my actions and interactions it seems I have nothing to question, apologize for or regret so that's nice.

The bulk of the night was spent playing beer pong. My teammate, A.A., and I did well, but will clearly be facing ridicule come Monday morning as we lost in a three game series to two fellow co-workers. It was totally East Coast vs. Midwest and we blew it. Sorry, East Coast. We let you down. We did end with an overall record of four wins, two losses, but the one that really counted we stunk it up pretty bad. Damn it!

Now I have to try to go running. This should be fun. My head hurts just sitting here typing. I'm sure pounding on the pavement will feel glorious.

Sorry I Stole Your Stuff (Including This Awesome Shirt)

I'm not in NYC anymore, but I still love reading the retarded shit that goes on there. This blurb from the New York Post's NYPD Daily Blotter is pretty classic:

Cops say Isaac Kumar is a penitent burglar.

Kumar, 36, allegedly broke into an apartment on 21st Street near Sixth Avenue while the occupant was out of town early last month and swiped about $8,000 worth of camera equipment and a shirt.

Days later, the victim returned home, discovered the break-in and spotted Kumar wearing his shirt, according to a court complaint. Later, Kumar allegedly returned the equipment to the victim's doorman with a note saying he was sorry.

On April 3, Kumar surrendered to police and made a full confession, cops said. A DA spokeswoman said Kumar was charged with burglary.

The Year In Tunes - 2007

I know this is late as hell but I wasn't blogging when the year ended and I had made up this list at one point and figure it's better late than never. The list is short, but so is my penis so it's only fair.

Yes, these are my favorite albums of 2007. I said my favorite. That doesn't mean your favorite or the best:

Roger Clyne & the Peacemakers - No More Beautiful World
Hellyeah - Hellyeah
Kid Rock - Rock N Roll Jesus
Operator - Soulcrusher
Machine Head - The Blackening
Foo Fighters - Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace
Kottonmouth Kings - Cloud Nine

Something Else I'm Doing

Oh, I think I failed to mention that at the start of this year, along with moving to Cleveland, I also started eating bacon, and lots of it. Check it out here.

The Year That Was

So I used to have a blog here, but I packed that up for various reasons. Really because I had other things to worry about/focus on. Now I'm back to give this another try.

Perhaps I'll give a little update on the last year of my life so maybe more of this will make sense (or not) ...

2007 was sort of a mixed bag of experiences, activities and life in general. Highs, lows, unexpected realizations, stress, cursing and pretty much a total change in what my life was.

Looking back over the year, I managed to do a lot of crap -- concerts (mc chris, Slayer, Unearth, Peeping Tom, Frontline Assembly, Incubus, Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers, Kid Rock), baseball games (at Fenway Park, Shea Stadium, Yankee Stadium & Jacobs Field), a bunch of running (over 400 miles worth), trips (Cleveland, Pennsylvania, Western New York State, Cedar Point, Seattle, Vancouver/Whistler, B.C.), drinking, eating, PR classes, etc. However, the thing that made this all less than my norm was the fact that my traditionally stable employment situation as well as my traditionally stable home situation both became exactly the opposite.

My job was supposed to end at the end of March. There was a consolidation at the company I had been at for nine plus years and I had the choice of moving to Cleveland, OH or Albuquerque, NM or being unemployed. I had opted to be unemployed. But right before the end I was asked to stay on for a little while longer. The revised end date was the end of May. As that approached I had another opportunity to stay, this time filling in a spot in a different department, temporarily vacated by someone out on maternity leave. That kept me employed at least until after Thanksgiving.

While all this unemployed/employed again business was going on I also got separated from my wife. I won't go into all the details, but it wasn't all that fun. We had been together almost 12 years and married for the last three plus. That resulted in me feeling rather confused, guilty, angry, lonely, embarrassed, and on and on. Not so great, really. Actually it was and still is full-on sucky.

So with that I found myself packing my stuff and moving. I moved out of my nice "luxury" place in Manhattan and moved to a place in Crown Heights, Brooklyn (far from "luxury"). The apartment and the guy I lived with, I found on craigslist. It was going to be me, him and his girlfriend, but his girlfriend was off in Europe for school until February. The neighborhood was less than awesome, but sometimes I like less than awesome so that wasn't that much of a concern. My roommate was a cool guy. He worked a lot, never stole any of my shit, shared whatever he had in the fridge and never cared about who I had over or what I was doing. Oddly, about a month after moving in with him, I come to find out that this same roommate who seemed so cool and mellow was a former gang member. He used to be in the Latin Kings. He had once shot someone even. My street cred was on the rise. This didn't really bother me as he was very honest about the whole thing and seemed to really be out and out for good. He did however have a love for smoking pot, occasional coke use and not much issue with calling escorts over for an evening of coked up, naked fun. Even that didn't really concern me as he kept the bulk of that activity confined to his room, however it was certainly not the life I was used to.

After the bulk of the year had gone with no sign of my separation getting back to unseparated and after it became clear that work was really going to end (finally) I made a decision to move yet again. I opted to move to Cleveland, OH.

Yes, Cleveland.

So, the very end of December I packed up my possessions, put my goldfish in a Gatorade bottle, got everything in a big truck, yelled "So long, Stinktown" out the window and drove out to The Cleve.

So here I sit. In Cleveland.

We'll have to see what happens next.

I am guessing my blog will be even less awesome out here (not that it was awesome to begin with) as the interactions and the sights aren't really as newsworthy (aka retarded) as they were in NYC, but I guess if I am going to blog, technically there's no rule about excitement or newsworthiness, so I'm not going to sweat it.

So that's it I guess. That was my year. And this is my new place (at least for now) to complain and comment and document whatever else comes to mind. In the words of Dr. Tobias Funke, "Let the great experiment begin!” Or something like that.

"Oh yeah ...

... So long, Stinktown!"

Well, maybe this isn't entirely accurate.

It is certainly is "So long, Stinktown" but yet here I am in another Stinktown. New town. New blog. Same old stink.

Details to follow. Along with more uselessness.