Saving Mankind One Uncola At A Time

7UP was the reason I wound up moving to NYC way back in 1996. I was one of a handful of fools selected to do a summer internship through their web site. Oddly the internships were entertainment related and really had nothing to do with 7UP, but it involved a paycheck, a place to live and even 5 meals a week. It lasted for 7 weeks (get it?). I accepted, and quite honestly it was a huge turning point in my life. I have no idea how different my life would have been if not for that little spot, his tasty, clear beverage and that internship. Anywho, those 7 weeks are a story for another time I guess. All I was getting at is I have a special place in my heart for 7UP to begin with and now they are saving us from the threat of alien ingestion. Sprite has never given me an internship or saved me from aliens. 7UP does both!

7UP Aims to Save Earthlings From Alien Invaders*
Offers to send a mass shipment of naturally delicious 7UP to potential space alien landing sites outside Phoenix and Orlando to prevent -- or at least make more pleasant -- the widespread eating of humans
PLANO, Texas, April 25 /PRNewswire/ -- 7UP took note of the appearance of unidentified flying objects (UFOs) over Phoenix, Arizona and Orlando, Florida earlier this week, and has taken immediate steps to counteract the potential threat of alien invasion.

"We read Drudge Report like everyone else," said Matt Smith, director of brand marketing for 7UP. "And when we saw the reports that UFOs had been spotted in the skies over two major American cities, we knew what people were thinking: they're here to eat us."

Although the intentions of the aliens have yet to be established, 7UP is not prepared to take any chances with the lives of billions of humans who inhabit the planet Earth.

"Any aliens with the technology to cross the vast gulf of space and enter Earth's atmosphere unchallenged are clearly far more advanced than we are, so any attempt to fight them would be futile," said Smith. "The best thing to do is to appease these creatures with a large supply of refreshing 7UP. I, for one, welcome our new alien overlords and, quite frankly, the worst case is that they'll have something naturally delicious to wash us down with."

7UP will be delivering a shipment of the soft drink to potential landing sites around Phoenix and Orlando. Any 7UP beverages unclaimed by the alien invaders will be free for any lucky uneaten humans to take for themselves.

For more information about 7UP's plans to save mankind from the alien menace, please visit http://www.7up.com.

*Or, at the very least, give the aliens a naturally delicious chaser after they have consumed the human race.

About Cadbury Schweppes Americas Beverages
7UP is a leading brand in the beverage portfolio of Plano, Texas-based Cadbury Schweppes Americas Beverages (CSAB), a subsidiary division of Cadbury Schweppes plc (NYSE: CSG). CSAB is one of the largest producers of soft drinks and premium beverages in the Americas. CSAB's brand portfolio includes Dr Pepper, 7 UP, Snapple, Mott's, RC Cola, A&W Root Beer, Sunkist Soda, Canada Dry, Hawaiian Punch, Schweppes, Diet Rite, Clamato, Mr & Mrs T Mixers, Holland House Mixers, Rose's, Mistic, Yoo-hoo, Orangina, IBC, Stewart's, Nantucket Nectars, and other well-known consumer brands. For additional information on Cadbury Schweppes and its products, visit http://www.brandspeoplelove.com.

SOURCE Cadbury Schweppes Americas Beverages

Marketing wit in press release form made even better by the Matt Smith quotes. "... they're here to eat us." Classic.

Playing Catch Up aka Recaping The Week

I can see this blogging isn't quite flowing like it used to. Well, I warned you.

So let's see ... what's been going on?

Friday was pretty non-eventful. Some Chinese food, some TV and early bed.

Saturday was a full day. I got up in the morning and jumped on my bike and carted my ass down to the mighty Cuyahoga where I did an introductory class for the rowing league that I signed up for. 7:30am to 2:30pm. It's a lot of introductory action going on. Anyway, the class was mostly people who have never rowed before. I have already been trained and beaten by the sport back in my college years so I know what I'm doing although am out of practice and about 25 or 30 pounds heavier than I was back then. Obviously there is always more to learn (especially when it comes to me) but around people who have never had their ass in a shell or touched an oar, I look pretty awesome. So the day went well. Some introductions to the club, some safety stuff, a tour of the boathouse, some overviews of rowing, some time on the ergs and then some time on the water. At the end of it all, one of the coxswains and one of the more experienced rowers that was helping out with the day asked if I'd like to be in a more competitive boat rather than flailing around with novices. I reluctantly said "yes." I figure if I'm going to do this I should get more than a tour of the riverbanks, right? Hopefully I won't regret this move. There is already talk of workouts and training and sweating. Part of me thinks this sounds good but the other part of me thinks this is exactly what I happily said goodbye to back in May of 1995. It's that love/hate routine that I have with rowing ... with all things really. Anyway, it should make for some entertainment and/or torture so I'm giving it a go.

Oh, and my shoulder wasn't actually bothered much by the rowing. Odd. My shoulder still hurts from my little fall, but only seems to bother me when I sleep on it or pick up things with my arm at an odd angle. Rowing, biking, running and most other things are OK. I'm thinking that is a good sign. Maybe I'll heal without having to go to some wacky Cleveland witch doctor.

Saturday night was out for a birthday celebration. For me. Sunday I turned the big 3-5. Ouch. Anyway, a whole bunch of my co-workers went to a bar and did what we always do at bars. Drink. There was some pool and darts too, but mostly everybody stuck with what they do best which is drinking. Nothing too crazy, but it was fun. Much better than last year, that's for sure. Now I'm old enough to run for President so get your petitions ready and I'll get practicing my handshaking and my laying down bullshit 24/7.

This week has been pretty average, but I did go see a jazz show at Brothers Lounge on Wednesday and out for some eats, drinks and Cavs watching tonight.

Nothing major planned for the weekend at this point, but Monday I'm going to see my Yankees play the Tribe and Tuesday it's Mindless Self Indulgence (I've got an extra ticket to MSI if you want to go).

That's all for now. I'll try to update a little more frequently, but no promises.

I Like That Wagon You're Draggin'

National Butt Month!

I ran across this bit of awesomeness during my online travels yesterday. Why I am only finding out that it's National Butt Month now, with only 7 days left in the month is beyond me, but I guess it's better late than never.

Anywho, you can send in photos of your butt or perhaps your special friend's butt and you can win some loot. Note, that you can win with an appealing butt as is the case with every contest, however it seems you can win votes for having an an "interesting" butt too so if you don't think your butt is gold medal material, you don't have to consider yourself out of the running.

Oh, and if you don't want to put yourself in the running for the loot and/or you don't make the cutoff for submissions (April 30), you can always e-mail photos of your butt to me. I don't mind.
====
Tired of the Primaries? Make Your Vote Count in Contest for 'America's Favorite Butt'
Entries to Stockroom.com's National Butt Month Competition are Posted on SandM.com

LOS ANGELES, April 22 /PRNewswire/ -- If you like the idea of voting, but the endless political primary season has become too much for you, the folks at Stockroom. com now offer you the opportunity to vote for America's Favorite Butts.

(Logo: http://www.newscom.com/cgi-bin/prnh/20080422/NYTU111LOGO )

When http://www.stockroom.com designated April as National Butt Month recently, the site invited people to send in photos of first class rear ends. The response has exceeded expectations, with submissions pouring in from the owners of prize male and female butts.

Stockroom.com has now posted a screened selection of the butts on its http://www.sandm.com website and invited visitors to vote on their favorites.

"We are very impressed by the enthusiasm and the quality of the responses," says Ann-Marie Holman, spokesperson for Stockroom.com. "Since this is an election year and people are in the voting mood, we're giving people the chance to select the winners. Some of us here already have our favorites, but we want to honor the democratic process so we are opening the voting to everyone."

New photos of appealing and "interesting" butts are still being received daily, Ms. Holman says, and submissions will be accepted through April 30th at fanniefocus@gmail.com. Winners will be announced on Thursday, May 8th. First prize winners for male and female will each receive $100 gift certificates, second prize winners will get $50 certificates and third prizes get certificates valued at $25 each.

About Stockroom.com: Online since 1989, Stockroom.com is the internet's original and leading source of high quality toys, fetish gear and fashion for sexually adventurous adults. The website features over 3,000 adult products.

SOURCE Stockroom.com

Here's Your Letters and Your Baby

This story can lead to the presentation of two awards for the price of one: Best Postal Worker / Worst Mother

No Work Today

I have today off from work. That's fun. It's my first legitimate day off since moving to Cleveland. I was out a couple of days about a month ago, but I was sick so that doesn't really count.

Anyway, today I got to sleep a little late, am doing some laundry and have a run planned. All leisurely and work free. Tonight I will be going to see my first baseball game of the year. The Tigers are in town to see if they can stop sucking long enough to beat the Indians. I can't really predict the outcome of the game itself, but I can predict that I will have at least one hot dog and two beers. At least. Take that to the bank.

In other news, I can barely move my right arm. I'm really trying to not be a pansy about this, but it's pretty banged up. Why? Well because I took a tumble off my skateboard. Yes, I'm riding around on a skateboard at age 34. And no, I'm not very good, so it's not like I'm all Tony Hawk or something. Anyway, I was cruising along and took a turn to get into a friend's driveway and there's a bit of a lip. I thought I could roll over it with the right amount of speed and the proper weight distribution. No luck. I hit the lip, the board stopped and I went down. Hands hit pavement a bit, but the bulk of my weight went on my right shoulder. I rolled with the fall, but apparently not quick enough. The shoulder and arm look fine. No bruising or scrapes, but it does not feel fine at all. I can't lift anything. Even putting on my shirt and pants this morning was a chore. I can't pick up this keyboard I am typing on even. As a matter of fact, it hurts to type unless my forearm is leaning on something. My shoulder can't support the weight of my own arm. I'm no doctor, but this doesn't seem good. We'll see how the rest of the day/early tomorrow goes. If no improvement, I may have to suck it up and hit the doctor.

The best part is that I have signed up for a summer rowing league and I'm supposed to be rowing on Saturday morning. That's probably not going to go so well unless Mr. Miayagi comes over and does that hand rubbing, fixit thing to me.

Waking Up A Loser

Last night I went to a party. Really the first time I have gotten good and drunk since arriving in Cleveland. Well I guess that's not entirely true, but it was one of a few times. I've been pretty light on the boozing. Shocker, I know.

It's always a telltale sign of boozin' a bit heavy when I wake up naked (alone, don't get excited) and unsure of the return home. Then it all comes back. Slowly. Now that I have been awake for a little bit and reviewed my actions and interactions it seems I have nothing to question, apologize for or regret so that's nice.

The bulk of the night was spent playing beer pong. My teammate, A.A., and I did well, but will clearly be facing ridicule come Monday morning as we lost in a three game series to two fellow co-workers. It was totally East Coast vs. Midwest and we blew it. Sorry, East Coast. We let you down. We did end with an overall record of four wins, two losses, but the one that really counted we stunk it up pretty bad. Damn it!

Now I have to try to go running. This should be fun. My head hurts just sitting here typing. I'm sure pounding on the pavement will feel glorious.

Sorry I Stole Your Stuff (Including This Awesome Shirt)

I'm not in NYC anymore, but I still love reading the retarded shit that goes on there. This blurb from the New York Post's NYPD Daily Blotter is pretty classic:

Cops say Isaac Kumar is a penitent burglar.

Kumar, 36, allegedly broke into an apartment on 21st Street near Sixth Avenue while the occupant was out of town early last month and swiped about $8,000 worth of camera equipment and a shirt.

Days later, the victim returned home, discovered the break-in and spotted Kumar wearing his shirt, according to a court complaint. Later, Kumar allegedly returned the equipment to the victim's doorman with a note saying he was sorry.

On April 3, Kumar surrendered to police and made a full confession, cops said. A DA spokeswoman said Kumar was charged with burglary.

The Year In Tunes - 2007

I know this is late as hell but I wasn't blogging when the year ended and I had made up this list at one point and figure it's better late than never. The list is short, but so is my penis so it's only fair.

Yes, these are my favorite albums of 2007. I said my favorite. That doesn't mean your favorite or the best:

Roger Clyne & the Peacemakers - No More Beautiful World
Hellyeah - Hellyeah
Kid Rock - Rock N Roll Jesus
Operator - Soulcrusher
Machine Head - The Blackening
Foo Fighters - Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace
Kottonmouth Kings - Cloud Nine

Something Else I'm Doing

Oh, I think I failed to mention that at the start of this year, along with moving to Cleveland, I also started eating bacon, and lots of it. Check it out here.

The Year That Was

So I used to have a blog here, but I packed that up for various reasons. Really because I had other things to worry about/focus on. Now I'm back to give this another try.

Perhaps I'll give a little update on the last year of my life so maybe more of this will make sense (or not) ...

2007 was sort of a mixed bag of experiences, activities and life in general. Highs, lows, unexpected realizations, stress, cursing and pretty much a total change in what my life was.

Looking back over the year, I managed to do a lot of crap -- concerts (mc chris, Slayer, Unearth, Peeping Tom, Frontline Assembly, Incubus, Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers, Kid Rock), baseball games (at Fenway Park, Shea Stadium, Yankee Stadium & Jacobs Field), a bunch of running (over 400 miles worth), trips (Cleveland, Pennsylvania, Western New York State, Cedar Point, Seattle, Vancouver/Whistler, B.C.), drinking, eating, PR classes, etc. However, the thing that made this all less than my norm was the fact that my traditionally stable employment situation as well as my traditionally stable home situation both became exactly the opposite.

My job was supposed to end at the end of March. There was a consolidation at the company I had been at for nine plus years and I had the choice of moving to Cleveland, OH or Albuquerque, NM or being unemployed. I had opted to be unemployed. But right before the end I was asked to stay on for a little while longer. The revised end date was the end of May. As that approached I had another opportunity to stay, this time filling in a spot in a different department, temporarily vacated by someone out on maternity leave. That kept me employed at least until after Thanksgiving.

While all this unemployed/employed again business was going on I also got separated from my wife. I won't go into all the details, but it wasn't all that fun. We had been together almost 12 years and married for the last three plus. That resulted in me feeling rather confused, guilty, angry, lonely, embarrassed, and on and on. Not so great, really. Actually it was and still is full-on sucky.

So with that I found myself packing my stuff and moving. I moved out of my nice "luxury" place in Manhattan and moved to a place in Crown Heights, Brooklyn (far from "luxury"). The apartment and the guy I lived with, I found on craigslist. It was going to be me, him and his girlfriend, but his girlfriend was off in Europe for school until February. The neighborhood was less than awesome, but sometimes I like less than awesome so that wasn't that much of a concern. My roommate was a cool guy. He worked a lot, never stole any of my shit, shared whatever he had in the fridge and never cared about who I had over or what I was doing. Oddly, about a month after moving in with him, I come to find out that this same roommate who seemed so cool and mellow was a former gang member. He used to be in the Latin Kings. He had once shot someone even. My street cred was on the rise. This didn't really bother me as he was very honest about the whole thing and seemed to really be out and out for good. He did however have a love for smoking pot, occasional coke use and not much issue with calling escorts over for an evening of coked up, naked fun. Even that didn't really concern me as he kept the bulk of that activity confined to his room, however it was certainly not the life I was used to.

After the bulk of the year had gone with no sign of my separation getting back to unseparated and after it became clear that work was really going to end (finally) I made a decision to move yet again. I opted to move to Cleveland, OH.

Yes, Cleveland.

So, the very end of December I packed up my possessions, put my goldfish in a Gatorade bottle, got everything in a big truck, yelled "So long, Stinktown" out the window and drove out to The Cleve.

So here I sit. In Cleveland.

We'll have to see what happens next.

I am guessing my blog will be even less awesome out here (not that it was awesome to begin with) as the interactions and the sights aren't really as newsworthy (aka retarded) as they were in NYC, but I guess if I am going to blog, technically there's no rule about excitement or newsworthiness, so I'm not going to sweat it.

So that's it I guess. That was my year. And this is my new place (at least for now) to complain and comment and document whatever else comes to mind. In the words of Dr. Tobias Funke, "Let the great experiment begin!” Or something like that.

"Oh yeah ...

... So long, Stinktown!"

Well, maybe this isn't entirely accurate.

It is certainly is "So long, Stinktown" but yet here I am in another Stinktown. New town. New blog. Same old stink.

Details to follow. Along with more uselessness.